A Realisation

Is realisation spelled with an ‘s’ or a ‘z’? As a UK citizen, I have grown up with British spellings but what does confuse me is when the odd American spelling seeps into the language and I have no idea which one is correct. Even writing this paragraph, the word ‘realisation’ has a red zig-zag line underneath. I did also spell ‘spelled’ as ‘spelt‘ so maybe I am not the best person to be questioning the zig-zag. (It doesn’t even recognize zig-zag as a word!)

This is not the subject of this post though.

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I haven’t blogged on here in a hwhile.

To be honest, I kinda fell off track last week. I think I have been putting too much pressure to do too many things. I guess I really don’t benefit from writing down a whole list of things I want to do. I think the pressure was from all the creative goals. From studying a creative degree, and a creative college course before that, and focusing on creative GCSEs, it’s no wonder I wrote down lots of creative goals I wanted to accomplish. But I think all the past education made me believe that I had to be creative all the time. I had to paint/draw/illustrate/craft. I had to publish all my creative projects to the internet. I had to apply for creative jobs. I came to a realisation last week that I don’t really want that. I still have creative projects I want to complete, but I want it to be just a hobby. Something I do once in a while. Because in reality, that is what I do.

I am not the person I was 7 years ago. No one is. This is something that has been bubbling up since uni. I am not that invested anymore.


In other news, it was Haiku day the other day. I wrote a haiku based on what I was grateful for that day. Here goes:

I am grateful for, 
hot chocolate even though,
it did not taste good.

I have been having really bad hot chocolates lately. Maybe my taste is changing. Literally and metaphorically.
I still like tea though.
Tea > hot chocolate

P.S. happy belated easter! I received 0 eggs because I have no friends I eat chocolate all the time and didn’t think easter eggs were a special treat. (yeah I’m going with that excuse). (But it is true! And I am planning to cut down!). My mum did make a massive chocolate cake though so I guess that made up for it.

Lights Out Night 4

I am starting to really enjoy sunset now. There is something so calming being in the darkness with one or two candles on. I wrote in my diary last night. It felt more introspective and thoughtful to write by candlelight. I felt like I could choose better words to describe with, write a more coherent sentence and lay out all my thoughts in an orderly manner instead of the jumbled garbage I usually spew up when writing in a diary. I went to bed at 9:15pm again. This is becoming my natural bedtime. But with BST in effect, I’m actually going to sleep at 8:15pm! I woke up at 5:20am. It was unusually dark for that time and thought it might be a cloudy day but today has been lovely.

At the start of this challenge I was excited but also apprehensive as I do love my electronic entertainment. I never thought I would be enjoying the arrival of sunset. I really want to continue this on in my life. Maybe I can during the week but at weekends have a little treat? There are TV shows I need to catch up on…