Is realisation spelled with an ‘s’ or a ‘z’? As a UK citizen, I have grown up with British spellings but what does confuse me is when the odd American spelling seeps into the language and I have no idea which one is correct. Even writing this paragraph, the word ‘realisation’ has a red zig-zag line underneath. I did also spell ‘spelled’ as ‘spelt‘ so maybe I am not the best person to be questioning the zig-zag. (It doesn’t even recognize zig-zag as a word!)
This is not the subject of this post though.
I haven’t blogged on here in a hwhile.
To be honest, I kinda fell off track last week. I think I have been putting too much pressure to do too many things. I guess I really don’t benefit from writing down a whole list of things I want to do. I think the pressure was from all the creative goals. From studying a creative degree, and a creative college course before that, and focusing on creative GCSEs, it’s no wonder I wrote down lots of creative goals I wanted to accomplish. But I think all the past education made me believe that I had to be creative all the time. I had to paint/draw/illustrate/craft. I had to publish all my creative projects to the internet. I had to apply for creative jobs. I came to a realisation last week that I don’t really want that. I still have creative projects I want to complete, but I want it to be just a hobby. Something I do once in a while. Because in reality, that is what I do.
I am not the person I was 7 years ago. No one is. This is something that has been bubbling up since uni. I am not that invested anymore.
In other news, it was Haiku day the other day. I wrote a haiku based on what I was grateful for that day. Here goes:
I am grateful for,
hot chocolate even though,
it did not taste good.
I have been having really bad hot chocolates lately. Maybe my taste is changing. Literally and metaphorically.
I still like tea though.
Tea > hot chocolate
P.S. happy belated easter! I received 0 eggs because
I have no friends I eat chocolate all the time and didn’t think easter eggs were a special treat. (yeah I’m going with that excuse). (But it is true! And I am planning to cut down!). My mum did make a massive chocolate cake though so I guess that made up for it.
I did something different last night. Instead of just waiting till I was tired, when the sun went down, I tidied my bedroom. It felt so good to be getting into bed without sharing it with a bunch of clothes. One of the advantages to using battery-operated candles is I could place them in my wardrobe without fear of fire. I also packed away everything that was in my handbag. This is very rare for me. By the time I’d finished, it was about time for bed. I went to bed around 9 but for some reason I could not sleep. I thought I would be sparked out as not only did I exercise yesterday but I also walked through my hilly town for 45 minutes. I thought exercise is meant to tire you out! I didn’t have any dinner last night though as I had a late lunch so maybe that could be it? I woke up at my alarm at 6 (yes even on weekends I want to keep waking up at my alarm. I have changed!), hungry from not having dinner, and strangely awake.
Tonight is the last night of the Lights Out Challenge. I have surprisingly enjoyed it. I thought I would crash and burn as I, like many other people living in this century, cannot live without electronic gadgets. At first, I was really appreciative of how technology has come so far and of how this challenge was the norm for everyone probably not even 100 years ago. Now I feel kind of sad that it’s over. I will definitely incorporate this into my lifestyle. I think I’ll try having a lights out night on Sundays as I have a tendency to stay up late on Sundays and no one wants to start a Monday morning feeling groggy as hell. I’m thinking of doing another full week of this when it’s the height of summer. As the sun doesn’t go down until around half 9 where I live, it will be perfect for transitioning into sleep mode.
I strongly suggest you try this challenge if you want to reset your body clock, or if you want to get into the habit of a better sleep routine. When sunset arrives, NO electronics and NO artificial lights. If you think it will be too hard or boring, you might be surprised.
This is the first time during this challenge that I have felt bored. Is it because it was a Friday night? Is it because I got ready for bed too early? Is it because I didn’t feel tired? I don’t know. What I do know is that time felt like it was going slow last night. I lay in bed and instead of 30 mins going past, it was just 5. I guess I have filled up the week with reflecting on life that I have nothing left to reflect on now. I went to bed at 9. Probably didn’t fall asleep till half 9. I woke up to my alarm clock at 6.
Wow even this post reflects how I felt last night. Bored.
I am starting to really enjoy sunset now. There is something so calming being in the darkness with one or two candles on. I wrote in my diary last night. It felt more introspective and thoughtful to write by candlelight. I felt like I could choose better words to describe with, write a more coherent sentence and lay out all my thoughts in an orderly manner instead of the jumbled garbage I usually spew up when writing in a diary. I went to bed at 9:15pm again. This is becoming my natural bedtime. But with BST in effect, I’m actually going to sleep at 8:15pm! I woke up at 5:20am. It was unusually dark for that time and thought it might be a cloudy day but today has been lovely.
At the start of this challenge I was excited but also apprehensive as I do love my electronic entertainment. I never thought I would be enjoying the arrival of sunset. I really want to continue this on in my life. Maybe I can during the week but at weekends have a little treat? There are TV shows I need to catch up on…
I didn’t feel as much of a withdrawal as I did the night before, even though I was playing games up till sunset again. Again with not much to do, I lay down on my bed and just think. This challenge is forcing me to think about stuff and I love it! I don’t know if it’s the low level lighting or if I’m changing a mindset but now when I think, I come up with solutions to problems instead of just getting overwhelmed. I went to bed at 9 last night, however due to anxious events happening the next day (interview), I could not drift off at all! I still managed to wake up at 6 though. If nothing was planned the next day, I think it would have been a very successful sleep.
Last night was a bit boring at first. I was playing games up to sunset so I had a few withdrawal feelings when the sun went down. I did think about packing this whole challenge in but I soon fought through the withdrawal and was setting up my day ahead and getting ready for bed. I found with the hour or so before I get tired it is the perfect time for introspection. Sitting and taking in all that had happened that day and even thinking about where you are in life. I was lying in bed for what felt like 10 minutes but actually 30 minutes went by! How did that go by so fast?! I settled down for bed at 9:15pm and woke up when my alarm went off at 6:00am. I was a lot more tired this morning. I could’ve easily slept in an extra hour or so. I even had to have a caffeinated beverage to get going today. I don’t know if this is down to diet or hormones or if it’s just because it’s Wednesday. It’s probably diet, my diet sucks right now (but it is one of my goals to change eating habits in the future!)
Let’s hope I can keep this up for the rest of the week! And if you’re reading this, why don’t you give it a try one night too. I am definitely going to be trying this again in the height of summer when sunset is much later.